It has been 10 weeks since the birth of my child and my life is utterly consumed with taking care of her. I never seem to know what day it is or what time of the day it is. I sleep when she sleeps or at least try to catch a cat nap as I lay by her and nurse her to sleep. I eat or I should say snack while on the move, the rocking move, this little girl likes movement movement movement. She even sleeps better on a walk, which we take about three daily. She is becoming so alert and has been sticking her tongue out like a snake sensing the world around her. Oh how I can just stare at her all day...so much so that I rarely get the opportunity to sit at a computer and catch up with words.
I am loving motherhood, but I have totally and utterly lost myself.
I am rethinking again, who am I now? I feel so different and my life is completely different.
I don't have the time to move deeper into this new person I am becoming but so much of this role is natural, instinctual. I listen to Mazi Grace's calls and I react. I have been given advice form others to do different things with her cries but I ignore them because my instincts are the best for her, she came to me because of this. We have bonded so deeply already and I believe Mazi knows the new me much more than I do and someday I will see who I have become.
For now,
I react. I will soon find time again and fill it with some things for me like yoga, meditation, making love, cooking, laughing, dancing, reading, and writing. I have become a mother and that is the new me, I look forward to being with myself and getting to know the new me.
I am madly in-Love with my Amazing Grace and I am madly in-Love with her father. This is where my time has led me and I am thankful for this opportunity to Love so deeply outside myself.
