Sekoya

About 8 years ago I lost a Golden Retriever named Attikus to cancer.  Dogs should not get cancer! I realized my mistake the hard way and changed the way I thought about health, healing, and the body for both animals and humans at that time.  I lightly prepared a raw, nutritious, immune boosting diet and fed Attikus this food until his death which was 9 months longer than Drs. predicted.  He still suffered and I lost him after only 4 years.

My husband and I were devastated!! He was our boy, our child...and he was a very misbehaved dog.

I wasn't looking for another, not yet, I wanted to mourn, but the vet insisted we take on this Golden pup that was returned to the breeder for howling at night and abnoxious behavior.  What? Seriously this dog was perfect from the beginning.  They must have really misunderstood her or treated her real poorly.

One look at this pup and we knew she was coming home with us.  Passive, submissive, timid, and stared right into our eyes. We named her Sekoya because she was grand and was the same reddish/gold color of the bark on the Sequoia tree.

From the moment we received her we were smitten.  Loyal, the easiest dog to train, peed in the house once and didn't chew on anything we didn't give her.  She dug into our house plants once but that was it! She was quiet and mellow and followed us everywhere looking for guidance and companionship.  I was so crazy about her that I knew I was going to change my life to have her in it everywhere I went.  I trained her to be a service dog, she didn't pass due to her timid nature, so I decided on something else.  I kept her vest, took her everywhere I went, from the grocery store to restaurants that dog went everywhere I went.  I decided to open a doggie daycare, boarding, grooming facility serving only the best holistic and natural foods since that was all I would feed Sekoya. There sprang Ruffhouse because of my booger brains.  She came to work with me daily.  She was on a raw food diet til she was about 5 and she saw the vet a few times that first year and rarely after that. She was perfectly healthy and beautiful. She slept in my bed, often on my spouses pillow when he left to work and she even came to every one of my yoga classes I taught.

She was the highlight of people attending the classes.  She gave her loving energy and helped everyone let go of their garbage they carried with them.  She patiently waited at the front of class, all the way til the word "Namaste" came out of my mouth.  She would walk around and great the people she knew, which grew tremendously as time progressed, she was the yoga dog of Utah Valley!

She helped me through a Divorce with full emotional support to both me and my spouse.  She moved from house to house in the mountains with me as I learned the deep parts of what makes my soul sing.  Then, she supported me as I picked up our lives and moved to Nashville, TN leaving the life I knew behind.  She moved with me and adapted to the new life of country living.  We learned the land, got chickens, watched squirrels, walked the forests and got eaten alive by ticks and the last killer to Sekoya mosquitoes.  I had to change her diet to a grain-free kibble with added supplements and healthy human sides with the random raw chicken or turkey neck thrown in there.  I wasn't working, got pregnant and had a baby, poor Sekoya's life had to change.  A little guilt still rests in my soul for her. She gave me her all, all the time and I had to give to my new baby and my family first.  I wouldn't do it different, its just the way it goes.  She still always showed me her joy and her love.

Life in Tennessee was good for her, mellow, peaceful, not nearly as active as Utah mountain life but she was getting older so it was better.  She played hard frisbee on the seven acres of land running back and forth and back and forth, pretending she was running after the squirrels she just couldn't seem to catch.  Who really knows how long she has been favoring her left hip but after three years in Tennessee her hip went out to a severely debilitating case of arthritis in her left hip. DAMNIT!!!

I took her to the vet once again to find out if it was broken or what, no just a case of arthritis that she was favoring for a long time by the atrophy in her muscle and the extreme firm right muscle.  With some blood work we found she was suffering from heartworm in her lungs and heart making it hard for her to breath. This was the hardest to see...preventable by damn hearguard...AHHHH! I should have been more diligent, she was on it, but I forgot some months here and there and there again.  She had her first case of ear infections and a UTI as well.  The poor thing was feeling shitty so so shitty and she was done.  She wouldn't get up, she wouldn't eat, unless it was steak. She got some good food those last few days. She wouldn't drink much unless there was beef juice in it.  I sat with her, laying side by side gazing into each others eyes and I asked her what she needed, what she wanted.  Her pain was tough, her journey to healing still wouldn't allow her to run again, she was done and she was hurting.  The arthritis meds didn't help much either.

I knew to keep her feeling this way was for me not her.  Oh, it was so hard to make the decision to let go of my one true sidekick, the companion that chose me over anything else, I was her world, she took my energy, she gave me energy, she helped heal me through it all and she was the ultimate, non-judging, unconditional loving best friend anyone could have and now I have to say goodbye.

I found a Veterinarian who has her business on wheels. She drove to our house in her large truck. She quietly and respectfully approached us as we laid Sekoya under her favorite pine tree in the shade.  As we sat in the beautiful fall day watching the gusts of wind blow the leaves off the trees we spent the last passing moments together face to face.  I kissed her and petted her and stayed with her those few days til the last moment.  The passing was what I want mine to be like.   It was comfortable, relaxing, blissful and so much peace.  Tears flowed, deep breaths were taken by myself and I felt her spirit breeze by touching my heart.

Goodbye Sekoya forever my best friend. Never forgotten! I love you so so much girl.

Terrible Twos?!? What!?!

This last harvest moon has brought me so much inspiration and positive energy. My mind is becoming clearer and clearer as each new day approaches. Outside of personal information on myself, I want to share a thought or should I say an insight on my growing toddler. 

My Amazing Grace is going through some changes and as we all know change is the only constant and I truly do embrace change. She is experiencing raw emotion and teething, she's not quite sure what to do with either of them. 

Amazing is currently going through teething of her two year molars.  She expressed this discomfort by being fussy and whiney and just plain snappy. I looked inside her mouth saw the swelling and the white tips next to the gums. Of course she's acting up, have you ever seen the flat top of a molar that can't feel good coming through. She didn't know another way to act to express herself. I understand this. I sat her down, explained to her that she is getting new teeth and how exciting that is for her. It can be uncomfortable but we can work through it together. We went out and got a new toothbrush, and some magical kid-e-col! I made some ice pops and explained to her that when her teeth hurt...I showed her where they would hurt... she just had to tell me and we would make them all better cause ice pops and teeth medicine (kid-e-col) makes it all better.  Just the repetition of telling her what makes her better has changed this process very much.  Once she feels better she will repeat to me what made her feel better.  I will watch her play with her toys and she will copy her own experience with them often giving water, hugs, ice, etc.  She talks very well which helps us all and surprising she understands way more than I realize, as do most kids this age.

 So far, this has been a very easy teething ordeal, except for the restless sleeping, she is doing well, because she is understanding. It's funny how once the mind understands why it hurts then the pain can go away by thinking about something else. It's like a tattoo, you know it will hurt so you plan it, prepare your thoughts to go to something else and almost forget your getting a tattoo at all (my first tattoo took four and a half hours). 

Staying attuned to her emotions and trying to give her my time and attention while she processes them has made this period of her life so nice for all of us.  Now, she still has her tantrums because all toddlers have to deal with Impatience. 

 For example, if she gets frustrated about something she's doing and I'm not right next to her to help solve it, she will cry and whine and sometimes fall to the ground, I will ask her, "Mazi Mazi what's going on?"  Calmly. She will continue crying and get mad if I touch her so, I wait til she wants to communicate. I remind her, "use your words".

  Patience for me is super hard too, however I have experienced that once JJ or I take a few breaths and calm ourselves down, then, Mazi tries to use her limited vocabulary to get our help, often more than not she wants to give up and enjoy the comfort of mamas milk. 

Until she calms down on her own she doesn't receive that, now that she has gotten older we are trying other self soothing methods. Once she is relaxed we talk about her emotion, name it, and she will repeat it.  She will also tell me how it made her feel, "mommy, Mazi cry, Mazi mad, water and hugs make Mazi better" 

She had come to understand sadness, anger, tired, pain, fear, nervous, happy, fun and can name them by names. I am shocked at how many people call this age the "terrible twos!" Ahhhh! To name a child's  experience at understanding their complicated emotions as "terrible" and to tell people around them that your child is going through the terrible twos makes me so irritated! It's no wonder at all why so many people grow up and still can't express their emotions openly, or why so many teenagers and adults can't control their emotions, they throw things or get physical or numb themselves so they don't feel anything at all.  I believe all they needed was a space to feel safe to express an emotion and then a discussion with their trusted parents to name those emotions when they first started to feel new emotions. As parents it's our responsibility to teach them how to work through them and how to deal with them and that it's good to recognize them and let them go so that they can see what lies on the other end of them, but if you can't do something yourself how can you teach another, right?!?

Mazi has tried to hit me or throw her toys or whatever is in her hand usually, both JJ and I nip that in the butt every time. She responds to JJ much easier than me. However, hitting is not acceptable under any circumstance. We don't like throwing out of anger either. I have mentioned to her to hit a pillow when she is mad and sometimes she will walk up to the pillows and hit them and tell me "Mazi mad" I love how toddlers talk in third person! I don't give much expression to her actions when she is releasing an emotion, I simply try and calmly talk and verbally repeat what she is doing, "oh, your hitting the pillow because your mad! That's ok, hitting the pillow is ok!"  

This isn't a terrible stage of growth, this is and incredible time for learning the physical body, for connecting to each other, for building trust, and for practicing patience.  

I get down and experience the rawness of emotion again myself, I'm a huge introvert, I don't express my emotions often, I keep my emotions to myself most times and I rarely express them freely, sometimes not at all and eventually, they build up and burst! If I had practiced feeling them freely since I was two, I believe they would flow smoothly and never build up. Anger wouldn't be as intense, sadness wouldn't flow uncontrollably, they would all eventually soften and smooth themselves out so that when they surfaced they passed quickly and safely. For Mazi, this will hopefully become her life practice and here is where the foundation for her habits start.   

. This time we are in is trying, but a toddler at age two is absolutely terrific! I love being present with her. 

Taking Back The NIght!

Since the birth of Amazing Grace, I have given up my nights of movie watching, late night social gatherings, making Love to my man, or any other event that used to occur after 9:00 pm.  I decided early on that nursing my child on her demand was going to be my practice as a mother.  Why you ask?

Well, I strongly believe that babies use mothers milk for so much more than food, they use it for emotional support and connection, to release negative energy, for comfort, for digestion, for relaxation, building the immune system with antibodies and so much more, and to strip that away too early can have a shockingly negative emotional and physical response that can stick for a long time, even an entire lifetime.  I told myself that I would wait til  Mazi was at least two before I tried to wean her in anyway.  After two her immune system will have gotten stronger and her body will be able to function properly on its own.  Before the age of two an infants body is being so supported by the mothers milk. For example, 1 drop of mothers milk contains around 1 million white blood cells. This milk helps fill the immunity gap that exists until the child's immune system matures, usually around age two of life.  In my opinion...yes, I like to add my opinion to my blog...this concept alone could be a huge cure to our national health crisis, which is currently filled with degenerate diseases, weakened immunity, extreme emotional neglect and suffering. All because our fast pace lives make us wean our children too early, so we are suffering in other ways.

Amazing Grace is 23 months now, she's very aware of her body and her emotions.  She has been potty trained since she was 19 months and she wanted to do it. We facilitated her.  She has been sitting on a baby potty and using it daily, in the mornings, since she was born.  She has never had an issue using a potty or sitting on one because she has always known what they are and what they do.  She is aware of her body and can control herself, with a little guidance of course.  We have never baby proofed our home, we simply taught her from the beginning what she could and what she shouldn't touch.  She got it, quickly, like most kids do with direction.  When Mazi looses her cool, gets angry, or is just simply upset about something in her world, we help remind her to take deep breaths and calm down. It works almost every time! Just the reminder to breath it out!

...but before she could understand this, her only method of cooling off or feeling better about anything was the magical medicine of her mother's milk!!!

Now, I'm not weaning Mazi because emotionally she isn't ready to let go of the comfort and support of nursing but I am moving toward helping her sleep without my breast in her mouth, this way she is learning the tool of sleeping on her own and soothing herself in a place where she is already incredibly comfortable....our bed.  Yup, I'm in it too....this is a different story for next time though, how I'm going to get her outta my bed will be a post in itself when I discover that success someday.

Its so funny hoe she will fall asleep in the most bazaar locations without any help at all, but at home in the comfort of her bed she puts up the most fight!

I have just started to take a little bit back for me! I'm better for her by doing this and she is finally getting ready for this change, she understands far more than I realize.  

I need more time with her Mr Peek.  I need my quiet time.   We are all growing up and finding our space in this world, I know Mazi is ready...so far its been a great success.

Once I explain it all to her, give her some sleeping buddies, her blanket, tell her about her guardian angels and let her know mommy and daddy are right here then, she surrenders to the idea and gives her ok.  She will say goodbye mo-tay.  She wants us to rub her and sing to her til she falls asleep, which we do, every night now. However, this is a good transition from nursing all night and having to stay in bed snuggled next to her all night long.

I am so proud of her, she doesn't want to grow up yet and when I talk about having no more milk, she shakes her head no and says "mo-tay when the sun comes up!" for now this is being respected and we take that step when she feels more confident and ready.