Technology!

Yes, I am very thankful for technology! It is because I live in this day and age I can be miles away, even continents away from dear family and friends but still connect daily! All I need is a small little device that fits in the palm, yes palm of my hand and is no thicker than a pack of gum. 

I can access information in seconds on any subject I choose...and it always correct, ok maybe not always, but it's helpful when I look at the right sources. 

I can take great photos and videos of my growing family and document my journey of life to share with all those I love! 

I have my favorite songs readily available when ever I need to blast them into my ears and dance like a wild woman!

I can help my Mazi get through long drives in the car with entertainment and educational videos, or help her tolerate those times when she just has to be with mom and it's kinda boring and her patience is really really tried! 

Or when I simply need to clean the house or cook dinner and she has already been playing with her toys and just needs to relax and kick back letting her mind drift off to colorful frozen land...

whatever it is this age of technology has really helped me out and I am glad I live in a time where I have access to it. 

Now just like anything else in life, too much of it can be a HUGE problem! It needs balance and it is easily getting out of balance hurting our social skills and our activity level and our brains for that matter (electromagnetic waves)! But the yogi in me teaches me to create my own balance and seek out long stretches in nature with no distraction from technology, to practice deep breathing and meditation with no distraction, to paint, draw or garden with no distraction. We all get to control our addictions and balance ourselves out. I enjoy practicing this skill in my life and teaching Mazi the same. 

Thank you technology, thank you Apple! This part of the advanced world is one I really embrace!! 

Gratitude!

Last month was such an intense roller coaster of emotions, events and energies. I felt them so strongly that I'm certain it was a planetary shift that is occurring. The moons are bringing change and awareness is more important now than ever before. 

I ended the month of October on a good vibe, knowing that I must keep my intentions and actions aligned so I don't get sucked into this chaos that is surrounding me. I see people everywhere struggling internally through physical illness, emotional distress and lots of depression and disconnection. On my journey, I have created intentions for November to first deepen my awareness and connection to my own physical body, cleansing and honoring it's function.

Then, to my spiritual awareness to the collective consciousness and allowing myself to be receptive and courageous to act on the energies that are needing to be here on this planet as we evolve into even more healing. We are globally out of balance in every way!!! 

Does this make sense to you? Good! No, you too have inner work to do too, we all have our part physically, mentally, and spiritually! 

November is the month of gratitude! I'm staying aligned to feel it daily, hourly and to put out there what has sparked the flame of my heart each day. I have put off writing for my words would have been negative and full of strong emotions that would come out harshly! We do to need more of this energy out there, even though it's real, it's what we are all facing right now. I tend to want to speak of the light of life. But, even as I speak this light I too feel the dark of my soul transforming. 

We have our religion, even if we say we have none, religion is any belief of any form. I find my strength is my Yoga!

I am so fully grateful to have this practice in my life! I have never found a more perfect place to safely transcend and face my biggest challenges of life then through my Yoga practice. It is on my mat, where I practice my life skills and my control of thought and useless old thought patterns. 

This early November morning as I make my way to the yoga studio for a private lesson, I am filled with a warm heart for my love of Yoga!! I see today my true self, I see my students true self and I see our ability to be humbled through humility. I feel the Divines light and I am present! Thank you Yoga for connecting me every day! 

Sekoya

About 8 years ago I lost a Golden Retriever named Attikus to cancer.  Dogs should not get cancer! I realized my mistake the hard way and changed the way I thought about health, healing, and the body for both animals and humans at that time.  I lightly prepared a raw, nutritious, immune boosting diet and fed Attikus this food until his death which was 9 months longer than Drs. predicted.  He still suffered and I lost him after only 4 years.

My husband and I were devastated!! He was our boy, our child...and he was a very misbehaved dog.

I wasn't looking for another, not yet, I wanted to mourn, but the vet insisted we take on this Golden pup that was returned to the breeder for howling at night and abnoxious behavior.  What? Seriously this dog was perfect from the beginning.  They must have really misunderstood her or treated her real poorly.

One look at this pup and we knew she was coming home with us.  Passive, submissive, timid, and stared right into our eyes. We named her Sekoya because she was grand and was the same reddish/gold color of the bark on the Sequoia tree.

From the moment we received her we were smitten.  Loyal, the easiest dog to train, peed in the house once and didn't chew on anything we didn't give her.  She dug into our house plants once but that was it! She was quiet and mellow and followed us everywhere looking for guidance and companionship.  I was so crazy about her that I knew I was going to change my life to have her in it everywhere I went.  I trained her to be a service dog, she didn't pass due to her timid nature, so I decided on something else.  I kept her vest, took her everywhere I went, from the grocery store to restaurants that dog went everywhere I went.  I decided to open a doggie daycare, boarding, grooming facility serving only the best holistic and natural foods since that was all I would feed Sekoya. There sprang Ruffhouse because of my booger brains.  She came to work with me daily.  She was on a raw food diet til she was about 5 and she saw the vet a few times that first year and rarely after that. She was perfectly healthy and beautiful. She slept in my bed, often on my spouses pillow when he left to work and she even came to every one of my yoga classes I taught.

She was the highlight of people attending the classes.  She gave her loving energy and helped everyone let go of their garbage they carried with them.  She patiently waited at the front of class, all the way til the word "Namaste" came out of my mouth.  She would walk around and great the people she knew, which grew tremendously as time progressed, she was the yoga dog of Utah Valley!

She helped me through a Divorce with full emotional support to both me and my spouse.  She moved from house to house in the mountains with me as I learned the deep parts of what makes my soul sing.  Then, she supported me as I picked up our lives and moved to Nashville, TN leaving the life I knew behind.  She moved with me and adapted to the new life of country living.  We learned the land, got chickens, watched squirrels, walked the forests and got eaten alive by ticks and the last killer to Sekoya mosquitoes.  I had to change her diet to a grain-free kibble with added supplements and healthy human sides with the random raw chicken or turkey neck thrown in there.  I wasn't working, got pregnant and had a baby, poor Sekoya's life had to change.  A little guilt still rests in my soul for her. She gave me her all, all the time and I had to give to my new baby and my family first.  I wouldn't do it different, its just the way it goes.  She still always showed me her joy and her love.

Life in Tennessee was good for her, mellow, peaceful, not nearly as active as Utah mountain life but she was getting older so it was better.  She played hard frisbee on the seven acres of land running back and forth and back and forth, pretending she was running after the squirrels she just couldn't seem to catch.  Who really knows how long she has been favoring her left hip but after three years in Tennessee her hip went out to a severely debilitating case of arthritis in her left hip. DAMNIT!!!

I took her to the vet once again to find out if it was broken or what, no just a case of arthritis that she was favoring for a long time by the atrophy in her muscle and the extreme firm right muscle.  With some blood work we found she was suffering from heartworm in her lungs and heart making it hard for her to breath. This was the hardest to see...preventable by damn hearguard...AHHHH! I should have been more diligent, she was on it, but I forgot some months here and there and there again.  She had her first case of ear infections and a UTI as well.  The poor thing was feeling shitty so so shitty and she was done.  She wouldn't get up, she wouldn't eat, unless it was steak. She got some good food those last few days. She wouldn't drink much unless there was beef juice in it.  I sat with her, laying side by side gazing into each others eyes and I asked her what she needed, what she wanted.  Her pain was tough, her journey to healing still wouldn't allow her to run again, she was done and she was hurting.  The arthritis meds didn't help much either.

I knew to keep her feeling this way was for me not her.  Oh, it was so hard to make the decision to let go of my one true sidekick, the companion that chose me over anything else, I was her world, she took my energy, she gave me energy, she helped heal me through it all and she was the ultimate, non-judging, unconditional loving best friend anyone could have and now I have to say goodbye.

I found a Veterinarian who has her business on wheels. She drove to our house in her large truck. She quietly and respectfully approached us as we laid Sekoya under her favorite pine tree in the shade.  As we sat in the beautiful fall day watching the gusts of wind blow the leaves off the trees we spent the last passing moments together face to face.  I kissed her and petted her and stayed with her those few days til the last moment.  The passing was what I want mine to be like.   It was comfortable, relaxing, blissful and so much peace.  Tears flowed, deep breaths were taken by myself and I felt her spirit breeze by touching my heart.

Goodbye Sekoya forever my best friend. Never forgotten! I love you so so much girl.

Terrible Twos?!? What!?!

This last harvest moon has brought me so much inspiration and positive energy. My mind is becoming clearer and clearer as each new day approaches. Outside of personal information on myself, I want to share a thought or should I say an insight on my growing toddler. 

My Amazing Grace is going through some changes and as we all know change is the only constant and I truly do embrace change. She is experiencing raw emotion and teething, she's not quite sure what to do with either of them. 

Amazing is currently going through teething of her two year molars.  She expressed this discomfort by being fussy and whiney and just plain snappy. I looked inside her mouth saw the swelling and the white tips next to the gums. Of course she's acting up, have you ever seen the flat top of a molar that can't feel good coming through. She didn't know another way to act to express herself. I understand this. I sat her down, explained to her that she is getting new teeth and how exciting that is for her. It can be uncomfortable but we can work through it together. We went out and got a new toothbrush, and some magical kid-e-col! I made some ice pops and explained to her that when her teeth hurt...I showed her where they would hurt... she just had to tell me and we would make them all better cause ice pops and teeth medicine (kid-e-col) makes it all better.  Just the repetition of telling her what makes her better has changed this process very much.  Once she feels better she will repeat to me what made her feel better.  I will watch her play with her toys and she will copy her own experience with them often giving water, hugs, ice, etc.  She talks very well which helps us all and surprising she understands way more than I realize, as do most kids this age.

 So far, this has been a very easy teething ordeal, except for the restless sleeping, she is doing well, because she is understanding. It's funny how once the mind understands why it hurts then the pain can go away by thinking about something else. It's like a tattoo, you know it will hurt so you plan it, prepare your thoughts to go to something else and almost forget your getting a tattoo at all (my first tattoo took four and a half hours). 

Staying attuned to her emotions and trying to give her my time and attention while she processes them has made this period of her life so nice for all of us.  Now, she still has her tantrums because all toddlers have to deal with Impatience. 

 For example, if she gets frustrated about something she's doing and I'm not right next to her to help solve it, she will cry and whine and sometimes fall to the ground, I will ask her, "Mazi Mazi what's going on?"  Calmly. She will continue crying and get mad if I touch her so, I wait til she wants to communicate. I remind her, "use your words".

  Patience for me is super hard too, however I have experienced that once JJ or I take a few breaths and calm ourselves down, then, Mazi tries to use her limited vocabulary to get our help, often more than not she wants to give up and enjoy the comfort of mamas milk. 

Until she calms down on her own she doesn't receive that, now that she has gotten older we are trying other self soothing methods. Once she is relaxed we talk about her emotion, name it, and she will repeat it.  She will also tell me how it made her feel, "mommy, Mazi cry, Mazi mad, water and hugs make Mazi better" 

She had come to understand sadness, anger, tired, pain, fear, nervous, happy, fun and can name them by names. I am shocked at how many people call this age the "terrible twos!" Ahhhh! To name a child's  experience at understanding their complicated emotions as "terrible" and to tell people around them that your child is going through the terrible twos makes me so irritated! It's no wonder at all why so many people grow up and still can't express their emotions openly, or why so many teenagers and adults can't control their emotions, they throw things or get physical or numb themselves so they don't feel anything at all.  I believe all they needed was a space to feel safe to express an emotion and then a discussion with their trusted parents to name those emotions when they first started to feel new emotions. As parents it's our responsibility to teach them how to work through them and how to deal with them and that it's good to recognize them and let them go so that they can see what lies on the other end of them, but if you can't do something yourself how can you teach another, right?!?

Mazi has tried to hit me or throw her toys or whatever is in her hand usually, both JJ and I nip that in the butt every time. She responds to JJ much easier than me. However, hitting is not acceptable under any circumstance. We don't like throwing out of anger either. I have mentioned to her to hit a pillow when she is mad and sometimes she will walk up to the pillows and hit them and tell me "Mazi mad" I love how toddlers talk in third person! I don't give much expression to her actions when she is releasing an emotion, I simply try and calmly talk and verbally repeat what she is doing, "oh, your hitting the pillow because your mad! That's ok, hitting the pillow is ok!"  

This isn't a terrible stage of growth, this is and incredible time for learning the physical body, for connecting to each other, for building trust, and for practicing patience.  

I get down and experience the rawness of emotion again myself, I'm a huge introvert, I don't express my emotions often, I keep my emotions to myself most times and I rarely express them freely, sometimes not at all and eventually, they build up and burst! If I had practiced feeling them freely since I was two, I believe they would flow smoothly and never build up. Anger wouldn't be as intense, sadness wouldn't flow uncontrollably, they would all eventually soften and smooth themselves out so that when they surfaced they passed quickly and safely. For Mazi, this will hopefully become her life practice and here is where the foundation for her habits start.   

. This time we are in is trying, but a toddler at age two is absolutely terrific! I love being present with her.