Simply Life

Our Simple Raw Life...A Natural Journey Of Creation

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

TIME

I have officially lost all concept of time...

It has been 10 weeks since the birth of my child and my life is utterly consumed with taking care of her.   I never seem to know what day it is or what time of the day it is.  I sleep when she sleeps or at least try to catch a cat nap as I lay by her and nurse her to sleep. I eat or I should say snack while on the move, the rocking move, this little girl likes movement movement movement. She even sleeps better on a walk, which we take about three daily. She is becoming so alert and has been sticking her tongue out like a snake sensing the world around her. Oh how I can just stare at her all day...so much so that I rarely get the opportunity to sit at a computer and catch up with words.

I am loving motherhood, but I have totally and utterly lost myself.
I am rethinking again, who am I now? I feel so different and my life is completely different.
I don't have the time to move deeper into this new person I am becoming but so much of this role is natural, instinctual. I listen to Mazi Grace's calls and I react. I have been given advice form others to do different things with her cries but I ignore them because my instincts are the best for her, she came to me because of this.  We have bonded so deeply already and I believe Mazi knows the new me much more than I do and someday I will see who I have become.

For now,

I react. I will soon find time again and fill it with some things for me like yoga, meditation, making love, cooking, laughing, dancing, reading, and writing. I have become a mother and that is the new me, I look forward to being with myself and getting to know the new me.

I am madly in-Love with my Amazing Grace and I am madly in-Love with her father. This is where my time has led me and I am thankful for this opportunity to Love so deeply outside myself.




~t

Saturday, October 13, 2012

6 Weeks Into This....

Mazi is 6 weeks old and already has changed sooo much. She is holding her head up longer and longer everyday and she can roll over if she is on her belly.  She is much more alert staring at all the new things around her. I can't seem to keep up. I have only practiced yoga twice since her birth, I shower about once every three days (if i'm lucky) I eat cereal dry and it takes me all day to cook dinner for JJ which he usually finishes after he gets home.
but...
I really do Love it because I Love Amazing Grace sooo much.

I have spent soo much time thinking, planning and preparing for my birth that I didn't really get to the part of what will happen after birth, I just assumed it would all fall into place.  Well, it has fallen into place alright, with Mazi in control. The birth was so much easier than I thought it could be, in 4 hours I was finished with the 9 months worth of planning and preparation. I felt like I was a great success and I was so proud of myself and my wonderful body, I felt great considering,
but...why doesn't everyone talk about the aftermath, the POSTPARTUM stuff?
This is the stuff that needs the preparation. The birth is the simple part and thats coming from someone who did it naturally, most women use drugs and numb the entire process.

What I am going to talk about is the Postpartum 6 weeks in...

First tip is capsulation of your placenta, I capsulated my placenta-dehydrating and making a powder then placing in capsules to ingest twice a day, I will do an entire post on under health and wellness. This simple process saved me for 4 weeks, keeping my hormones in check and giving me added nutrition and energy, I felt really good every time I took them...then I ran out.
 Instantly, my hormone fluctuation sent me from tears to extreme exhaustion to rage and not really understanding why.. I Love this little angel so much why do I feel this way.
It has nothing to do with not Loving her enough. My body is changing so fast and so much is going on inside yet, on the outside I am tired and hungry and I can't get anything finished because I am holding my child all day, out of choice, and she is trying to learn how her body works which makes her a bit fussy and she wants nothing more than to be bounced all day and taken for walks over and over again because she prefers outside to inside. I don't get too many chances for yoga and meditation (my release and balancing act) I am lonely because I am 2,000 miles away from my home and I miss my Mother and Sister and family and friends soooo dearly, plus its fall and winter is around the corner which means for wet Tennessee, staying indoors more....ahhhhhh!!...and my baby feels all this chaos too!





Then theres the part of concern, concern for everything! I was concerned for Mazi's system with gas and bloating, every cry created a new concern. I thought my milk supply wasn't enough, I thought I had a blood clot, I thought I thought I thought and that wasn't getting me anywhere. I was simply just overwhelmed with my new role as a mother, a caretaker, a person fully responsible for another. Everything was functioning and is functioning perfectly!

But why isn't this the talk of childbirth, why isn't this what people plan and prepare for? Even with a ton of help around, postpartum is something that can't be avoided, my body must change and quickly and my world must change because there is a new being thats to fit in it. I am not dealing with depression but boy do I feel the weight of things and until it becomes second nature this ride is bumpy. Plus, I don't even get to make Love to my man until today, well technically last night but still. This is my new reality and it is busy, it is challenging, it is stressful, it is tiring, it is lonely, it is crazy, but it is also beautiful, it is tender, it is warm, it is moment to moment engaging, it is mine! I am so thankful that I am here in life, I waited awhile for it but I am going to be real, this postpartum stuff needs more attention this is where life gets real and in your face, and its hard to deal with when in it. Although just like the birth if your somewhat prepared, as much as you can be, it might be easier to handle.

Thank God I have and incredibly understanding and sweet man to hold me through it all! Thanks JJ Peek, I Love you more than you'll ever know.

~t


Friday, September 28, 2012

My Job As A Milkmaid

Motherhood...I have been waiting for this time in my life ever since I met JJ and KNEW without a doubt in my mind that he would be the father of my children.
I always saw myself as a mother who is available to my children, especially in the early years. Because of this vision I prepared myself with an empty schedule.  Literally. All my time is now devoted to my baby.  Thanks to the wonderful man in my life, I am able to do this. His support is a dream come true.

I am very thankful I did this because getting anything done is almost impossible. Some mothers are able to handle a baby with a job and three other children running around....
how is this done?

I have a baby... one baby and I am constantly at her service. Yes, this is going to change in time, but for now I am practicing attachment parenting, and I am the one who is getting attached. I have her in my arms or in a sling ALL day and night long, sparing an hour or two when her father gets home so that I can crash and take a nap.  He even cooks me dinner.



She eats at least every two hours and is gassy so needs to be burped for at least 15 to 20 minutes after she eats. She is one month old today and I have not left the house except to take her for daily walks in nature.  We haven't hit the city and avoid public places like the plague.
Am I too protective? Yes, but for now this just feels right. Because I became attached.
In yoga we practice non-attachment to things but how does this apply to our children? I am attached.

This will cause me pain, this will cause me stress, this will cause me grief but this is my choice and I want to be attached to this beautiful Amazing Grace that is now on this planet with JJ and I.

I am attached by the hip, by my breast, by my heart.

This child has taken all my time and I don't want to waste one minute looking at her and holding her for soon very soon she will crawl away, walk away, run away to live her life as an independent person on this planet.
When I feed her I stare at her and watch her suck from my body, my wise body creates just what she needs for her nutrition and growth. I watch her drink in new antibodies strengthening her immune system that will protect her for life, I watch her dimples move in and out as her cheeks work for my mothers milk, I hold her hand and watch,  I watch her.

Sometimes it hurts on the first latch but while I watch her I am filled with the hormones that take it all away and make me fall in-Love each time I feed her.  This happens every two or three hours of my day and my night, my new job as a milkmaid. I make her milk...this shocks me still. I am magnificent, at least in Amazing's eyes I am, she depends on me and I get to be here for her!

I even changed my eating habits, again, for her to provide the best nutrition and remove some gas from her little freshly working body. Bye-bye chocolate and dairy, broccoli, and beans my baby doesn't need you.

I get lonely and I get bored at times working at my new job, but being away from home from family from friends I will take this time to perfect my new job, as a milkmaid, and a mother!
~t

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Learning Curves of Parenthood

Already JJ and I have been learning dramatic lessons about life in the week we have shared with Amazing Grace.

Little did I know that some decisions I made could have been very harmful even deadly to our little angel.
I did a lot of research on what I wanted for the birth of our child and I tried to do everything that could help her grow and get use to her new system. I knew that allowing the umbilical cord to stop pulsing gives the baby extra blood cells and in a full term child this is no problem, but what I didn't know was that in a preterm baby this can be very harmful.

A preterm baby is too small to have this flood of blood cells into their body. This causes them to have to breakdown the unused blood cells and with their little fragile livers this can be quite taxing of their bodies. Most babies can't do this and it causes their systems to build up bilirubin and causing jaundice in the baby. In most cases this is fine and the baby will get stronger and flush out their own systems but in my case I drained the blood into my infant from her cord and she couldn't flush it out herself.

We were sent to the hospital after her 5th day of life....

My worst nightmare, my baby was put in a plastic bed and was for the first time since birth, taken out of human arms. She was placed under UV lights and had to stay there for 24 hours to help her body rid the bilirubin.  I cried and cried to see my little child under these lights and out of arms.....horrible feeling, probably worse for me then her since she is a fighter.
JJ and I sat by her bed with our arms under the lights stroking her and touching her delicate skin. I breastfed her under the lights and for 24 hours this was our reality.
I ended up taking longer to heal myself because I was so stressed about my child that my uterus started to move back up  into my stomach and I began to bleed heavily again.

We got the free and clear and headed home. I have much to be thankful for! Amazing Grace is a fighter and she has proven to us that she is the one who is running this show now.

What I have learned is that for one, to let go of ANY expectations cause at any moment you expect something you will probably be let down. Go with the flow of life and Love every minute. Two, there must be balance in all things. As much as I avoid hospitals and doctors, they have such a place when holistic medicine isn't able to help. If we didn't have those lights, my Mazi Grace may have stayed really sick and had lingering issues. I will strive to seek the balance in more things and place my appreciation for this lesson.  Three, forgiveness. To forgive myself for anything that I could have done to create this situation. I held some guilt and it just about threw me over the edge. She is my baby and I am here to protect her but sometimes I may also do things that could harm her unknowingly and for this I must forgive myself.




All is well though and the journey has been wonderful. Now we sunbath together daily and eat lots and poop lots to keep her body healthy. She has returned to my arms and I have yet to put her down. I LOVE this baby so much and both JJ and I have so much to be grateful for.

The Birth of Amazing Grace Peek

This story starts out with a plan. A birth plan.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started preparing my birth plan and what I really wanted to happen when my baby came into this world. I visualized it all perfectly, it was full of detail that both JJ and I practiced together. We worked on positions that might be helpful, we had the idea of lighted candlelight and burning essential oils filling the room, we planned for a water birth and had a tub pick out and even had a cabin in th woods picked out  with the perfect deck to fill the tub on so Amazing Grace could be born outside.  We had planned on my sister coming to Tennessee to film the birth, take pictures, and witness a natural birth for herself. We had a midwife we had been seeing and discussing all these things with who was ready to help us facilitate our desires and plans, we were even planning on coming to the farm a few days to a week early just to hang and be there waiting for labor too start.....

Needless to say, nothing went as planned....

I was put on bed rest for two weeks when at my prenatal appointment I was dilated (opening of cervix) to a 2 and 75% effaced (thinning of cervix).  I sat in bed doing nothing but reading and eating to try and build up more fat for the baby, this lasted 4 days. 

I woke up August 31st, three weeks earlier than expected (have no expectations, I say), at 5am with a pop and then a gush of warm liquid flowing between my legs all over the bed,  I shook JJ awake saying "hunny, something just happened," it was the night of the blue moon and he just knew it was going to be tonight. He got up and without any surprise he said, "your water broke huh? I just knew it would".  We both got up quickly knowing we had an hour and half drive ahead of us. JJ was frantically grabbing stuff to pack up, luckily I had everything prepared except for what I would need personally for the birth.  JJ loaded the car and I roamed around confused on what to do. I threw some random clothes into a bag and we started on our way about 45 min later. I didn't have any laboring rushes (better less painful word for contractions) til about 35 minutes into the drive.
My midwife was out of town til the 9th of September, which was no problem since my due datewas the 17-20th, but she set me up with another midwife just in case, this was just that case!

JJ timed my rushes and immediately they were 2 minutes apart. We called the midwife Stacie and let her know to prepare the guest house cause things were happening QUICK! We had to go to a guest house instead of the cabin we picked out because there was couple staying there already.  As the drive slowly lingered my rushes became more intense and I found myself clenching the door and middle console as I lifted my hips and swirled them in a circle during each rush to disperse the built up energy that was moving in my pelvis. During my 2 minute break I fully surrendered into the seat gathering all the possible energy I could stir up. I was soooo ready to get out of the car and move my body.

When we got to the guest cabin Stacie and her two assistants were there setting up the medical supplies and preparing what was needed. JJ helped me move into to the bathroom and I released all I could to get more room in my pelvic floor.  As I hung from JJ's neck during the rushes I felt so heavy and I wanted to be in the water, I asked if we could prepare the tub, Stacie checked me to see if there was any time and I was dilated to a 9, there was no time.
About 20 min later I felt the urge to crawl in the bed and get on my side, I watched an Amazonian woman give birth this way and it seemed to be the only other picture that was in my mind if I couldn't be in the water.

JJ was remarkable and literally supporting my every rush with all his strength.
The midwife left JJ and I alone the entire time I was laboring. She mentioned we were a good team and we knew what we where doing so she was going to just let us do our thing. I felt like it was only JJ and I and it was nice, I kissed him during several rushes and gazed into his eyes and that seemed to help me through some of the more intense ones during the stage right before transition.

I hit transition quite quickly and was instantly feeling the desire to push.  I didn't want to rush the pushing so I could slowly stretch and not tear so I took my time. My breath was now low and animalistic sounding. My inner animal was definitely taking over now. I visualized my body opening and I talked to the spirit of Amazing Grace to connect and encourage her through this difficult part. The midwife came to help and within 20 minutes of pushing the baby was crowning. It became incredibly intense now and I could feel by pelvis separating in all directions, I knew there was only moving forward from here. I began pushing into the rushes and this helped make them feel very relieving. If I pushed with them. The energy inside me was so strong and I felt it coming from the top of my head and moving all the way down into my pelvic area where it would rest if I didn't work to push it out. I was totally exhausted inbetween rushes and found myself flopping my head down just to catch my breath. JJ would offer me water and rub my body.

With encouragement from both Stacie and JJ, I was able to gather the energy and with three more pushes I pushed Amazing Grace into this world.
She was instantly placed onto my chest and I looked at her trying to believe this was real. JJ was full of tears and he wrapped his arms around us both. We stared at this baby for hours and hours. About one hour after birth she started to suck gently on my breast, I cried as I felt this euphoric sensation of Love and connection flow through my body.

She weighed in at 5lbs 10oz, and 18 inches long. She is our little perfect angel and we are both sooo in-Love already! We didn't get to record the birth and we have little photos too but what we do have are the memories we have stored in our minds, hopefully they'll last a lifetime.

Thanks Amazing Grace Peek for choosing JJ and I to be your parents, we are the luckiest people in the world....in my eyes, at least!!





Friday, August 24, 2012

A Place Called Home!

I recently went back home to Utah, the place I was born and raised. It was such a joy to be in the presence of family again. I have often tried to travel and get away from home, simply because I loved new experiences and didn't want to lets say, "miss out", on what the world had to offer.
Being across the country and growing a new life has really brought my spirits back to whats most important....Family. Even my friends back home feel like "family" to me. I was instantly embraced by Love the moment I stepped out of the airport, with my sister and mother there to greet me and rub my very developed belly and that embrace lasted the entire two weeks.  It felt so good just to be in the car with them and know that for two weeks I would get to spend my days with my loving family.

I am so excited to have my own family with JJ Peek and creating our own peaceful home. Being with mine again just inspires me to insure that my own family is very close and under our roof they feel safe and secure.  Attachment parenting is what we will be practicing. Having a close family is what gives meaning to life for me.  I care about the environment so much because I want it to sustain the closeness of people in a healthy way. It all makes sense that my efforts are because of the pleasure I get from my Loved ones being a part of my life, in every detail. No matter how different we are from one another, it seems like, that is what brings us closer because we fill the gaps for each other. Oh how I LOVE my family.

My vacation back home was filled with a remarkable yoga retreat in Boulder, Utah. With the lovely yoga family I have at 3B Yoga.  Female empowering energy filled both me and baby Amazing.

I was pampered at a baby shower held at my Mother's house. The home was filled with loved ones. Friends from the past who are always in my heart showed up, friends from the present touched and kissed and loved on me and the growing child, my parents friends came to support and so much wonderful family filled each and every space available. Even my wonderful partner JJ was there for every moment spreading his charm to all the ladies. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me!!!!

My parents took the utmost care of me. Cooking, talking, taking JJ and I boating and to dinner. It was so nice to spend soooo much quality time with them before my life takes this beautiful change.

My wonderful sister rubbed my back when I got sore and gave me so much time in deep conversation and even painted me the most wonderful picture of a pregnant tree that will hang on the wall of Amazing Grace's space in our home.

My good friend Jami Bishop got married to another good friend Corey Gephart in the beautiful mountains of Sundance, Ut.  The place where I called home for a time and worked many years building yet, another family that I will forever cherish. Seeing all my friends together in the mountain air was such a joy and I have an overwhelming feel of falling in Love again with JJ Peek.  We kissed and danced and ate and loved on each other in the feeling of connection that filled the grounds.

I got a surprise the night before I was to come back to Tennessee, when my brothers, who were to be in Arkansas for three more weeks, surprised my parents, sister and I at dinner by coming home early. I was so happy that tears filled my eyes and once again my entire immediate family was together again.  This will never be the same as there are many new additions coming to all our individual lives in the next year or two. I will be married to the Love of my life. We will have a family of our own in one month. My sister will be giving life to her own little angel about 3 months later and my beautiful brothers will probably find their life companions not too long after.
So much exciting change and so much to be grateful for...
I am so glad I got to spend so much time at home with all of the wonderful people who are in my life.

Thank you everyone for the love and the connection that you offer me. I am truly sooooooo blessed in this life and I appreciate you all.

One more month and my whole world will change. I am so excited to be sharing this world with you Mr. JJ Peek. Thanks for choosing me!!!











Tuesday, July 3, 2012

SERVICE...a new look at it!

My mother is the QUEEN of service, she always says "A life of service is the only way to happiness" She is constantly helping me, my other siblings, her community and her own sisters in our time of need.  The last few nights I have got sucked into documentaries...again...about the earth, our planet, and our direct connection with each other. --Watch: "Home-the movie" and "Bag it" on netflix.
Like my mother has taught me, this starts on the level of family and community but what about the whole planet??? It starts every breathing moment in every decision we make.
We must have the planet to survive as a species yet, our Homo Sapien species, meaning "The Wise Human", has completely interrupted the balance of the Earth dramatically since the 1950's. We all, me included I am a human and part of this problem to, have gotten used to a lifestyle of convenience and abundance, now that we no longer forge for food we waste precious goods and take for granted what it takes for us to live each day. Always wanting more and having the mindset of "keeping up with the jones's" whomever they may, be we just must have what they have.
We all create our reality and... we can have what they have but...
at what expense??? This is where I really got worked up.
Bringing a child to a planet where our species has upset the very thing that feeds and nourishes us, our Mother Earth, will make it incredibly hard to show an example of sacrifice and responsibility to my child.
Why?
Why aren't more and more people trying to save the Earth? Can't they see the destruction of our planet is the destruction of US, the human species! Our planet is crying out for us to awaken;
 HOT HOT summers bringing more and more drought and wildfires raising our CO2 levels in our atmosphere, which could eventually suffocate us. Frigid cold winters with little precipitation adding nothing to our water tables. Melting glaciers raising the water level and temperatures that will kill our coral reefs and our seafood...how many people like fish and shrimp?
Tornados and earthquakes destroying entire cities and wreaking havoc on the people whom have established themselves in those areas. Hurricanes growing stronger, extreme erosion of the topsoil and humus layer on our earths crust. The food we grow is loosing so many nutrients and we now have to mine minerals from the Earth to create supplements because our food we grow is depleted because our soil is dying.
The Earth has an energy of her own and she is trying to speak to us ALL, we just need to listen and react appropriately.
Our government won't help, they make no money on cleaning up our planet. They only work for money.
What we have done to help the problem?
We all support such practices as;
-Deforestation, killing the only thing that helps clean our planets atmosphere and helps create healthy soil so we can grow food and not starve, the trees are our roots for survival. Deforestation is practiced for soybeans-to feed cattle, who don't eat beans, and to raise cattle, which are usually diseased and full of hormones and antibiotics that destroy our immune systems and create high cholesterol and heart disease the number one killers in the USA. Oh, but we don't need the beautiful forest we can survive on the cattle...until they run out of food because our soil is so depleted and our water so scarce we can't grow anything anymore...
-Oil drilling, our dependence on oil is gruesomely strong. As we live our lives in convenience we give the government more and more opportunity to make their fight for oil more legit. More money and waste goes to making weapons, and military machinery then it does to heal our country from disease and economical struggle. We use oil for EVERYTHING! Yet, it isn't renewable and will very very soon be gone!!!
-Waste and over consumerism. We waste so much food, nonrenewable resources and we buy without any concern for where it came from or how others suffered for the creation of our goods.
-Poisoning our food with pesticides and GMO's, hormones, synthetic nutrients.
this poison is what is now in our bodies and creating deadly illnesses. Plus, our household goods from plastics... made with oil and petrochemicals that eventually destroy our human bodies.

I am bringing a child to this...my child is choosing to come here...why??? Because I believe we can do better and I believe these new spirits see us doing better...
 
With my voice, your voice, we can make a difference NOW, we must act NOW!!! We are thirsting for energy but we need cleaner energy. We need a healthier planet.

Avoid plastics as much as possible, no more bottled water,
Avoid driving as much as possible,
Avoid petrochemicals and processed food with preservatives, buy organic, buy bulk, support local farms,
Avoid purchasing anything new, make your own or purchase used antique goods,
Start loving the Earth and thanking the Earth,
Start supporting renewable energy, wind power, solar power, water power, human power,
Start REDUCING, REUSING, then lastly Recycling,
Start preserving our resources,
Start seeing our connection and what goes into the goods you purchase,
Start CARING!

The way to service of the WHOLE of life is to serve the planet, the source of our physical life and existence. Without serving our Mother Earth consciously every day of our remaining lives we are killing our future for ALL the species, including our children, grandchildren, friends, communities and all the other living species that share this place with us. We are killing the Creation of our physical existence that took 4 billion earth years to create for our human evolution to occur and in only 200 thousand years we have taken over and poisoned it all.  That is why our human health has suffered so much.
Take a stand now, do your part now, sacrifice and help serve us all NOW!

~t