Saturday, October 13, 2012
I really do Love it because I Love Amazing Grace sooo much.
I have spent soo much time thinking, planning and preparing for my birth that I didn't really get to the part of what will happen after birth, I just assumed it would all fall into place. Well, it has fallen into place alright, with Mazi in control. The birth was so much easier than I thought it could be, in 4 hours I was finished with the 9 months worth of planning and preparation. I felt like I was a great success and I was so proud of myself and my wonderful body, I felt great considering,
but...why doesn't everyone talk about the aftermath, the POSTPARTUM stuff?
This is the stuff that needs the preparation. The birth is the simple part and thats coming from someone who did it naturally, most women use drugs and numb the entire process.
First tip is capsulation of your placenta, I capsulated my placenta-dehydrating and making a powder then placing in capsules to ingest twice a day, I will do an entire post on under health and wellness. This simple process saved me for 4 weeks, keeping my hormones in check and giving me added nutrition and energy, I felt really good every time I took them...then I ran out.
Instantly, my hormone fluctuation sent me from tears to extreme exhaustion to rage and not really understanding why.. I Love this little angel so much why do I feel this way.
It has nothing to do with not Loving her enough. My body is changing so fast and so much is going on inside yet, on the outside I am tired and hungry and I can't get anything finished because I am holding my child all day, out of choice, and she is trying to learn how her body works which makes her a bit fussy and she wants nothing more than to be bounced all day and taken for walks over and over again because she prefers outside to inside. I don't get too many chances for yoga and meditation (my release and balancing act) I am lonely because I am 2,000 miles away from my home and I miss my Mother and Sister and family and friends soooo dearly, plus its fall and winter is around the corner which means for wet Tennessee, staying indoors more....ahhhhhh!!...and my baby feels all this chaos too!
Then theres the part of concern, concern for everything! I was concerned for Mazi's system with gas and bloating, every cry created a new concern. I thought my milk supply wasn't enough, I thought I had a blood clot, I thought I thought I thought and that wasn't getting me anywhere. I was simply just overwhelmed with my new role as a mother, a caretaker, a person fully responsible for another. Everything was functioning and is functioning perfectly!
But why isn't this the talk of childbirth, why isn't this what people plan and prepare for? Even with a ton of help around, postpartum is something that can't be avoided, my body must change and quickly and my world must change because there is a new being thats to fit in it. I am not dealing with depression but boy do I feel the weight of things and until it becomes second nature this ride is bumpy. Plus, I don't even get to make Love to my man until today, well technically last night but still. This is my new reality and it is busy, it is challenging, it is stressful, it is tiring, it is lonely, it is crazy, but it is also beautiful, it is tender, it is warm, it is moment to moment engaging, it is mine! I am so thankful that I am here in life, I waited awhile for it but I am going to be real, this postpartum stuff needs more attention this is where life gets real and in your face, and its hard to deal with when in it. Although just like the birth if your somewhat prepared, as much as you can be, it might be easier to handle.
Thank God I have and incredibly understanding and sweet man to hold me through it all! Thanks JJ Peek, I Love you more than you'll ever know.