This must be balance in a different way than I've ever felt before.
I am spending this New Years at my parents home in Utah. I put my sweet baby to sleep at 830 after a nice warm bath with her. We gazed at each other, nursed in the tub, smiled and laughed then she passed out. I made sorbet and ate some nuts in my pajamas. My sister who is also a new mother was with me and we talked as our babies slept. Such joy I feel to have this wonderful child and get to call her my daughter. How thankful I am to be sharing this experience with my only sister. How lovely it is to be with my mother and father and brothers. They are celebrating with friends tonight but i have been around them so much during the holidays and its been wonderful.
The beautiful part of my life in 2012.
On the other side I am away from my new husband and the New Year will pass with this distance between us and no man to press my lips against during this celebration of time. I feel a gap in my core with him away. He is in Tennessee at our home, the home I am trying so hard to find peace and acceptance with. I long to be in Utah with family but must accept where life takes me. JJ got a great job in Nashville and it will bring our family more opportunity in our future. However, we are in Nashville for at least another year.
This is the hard part of my life in 2012.
My mind is filled with many thoughts as I think about life and the changes it brings. What I would usually be doing on this night is dress up and meet up with friends and laugh the night away or go out listen to live music and dance til my feet ache, drink champagne and sip on coctails. I've even spent two New Year's Eves in the backcountry of southern Utah with nature. What I've never done is tuck my baby in to bed, and write on a blog the night of a New Year.
Where I am in life is right in the middle of this balance of life. It's a bitter sweet place. I am so in love with Amazing Grace and am proud to spent my last day of 2012 by her side in my pajamas while she sleeps soundly to the sound of distance fireworks and my breath. This is a blessing and I will not take this moment for granted.
I miss my Mr. Peek and am glad he is in my life to miss. This next year will be so wonderful to go through the daily changes of Amazing and I don't want to miss one day! My family has grown and so has my spirit. I feel this shift in me and I surrender to its force. I am filled with emotions of both highs and lows and laugh at the crazy bliss motherhood brings me.
May the New Year be filled with peace, love and lots and lots of joy.
Happiest of New Years we all made it this far!!!
