Learning Curves of Parenthood

Already JJ and I have been learning dramatic lessons about life in the week we have shared with Amazing Grace.

Little did I know that some decisions I made could have been very harmful even deadly to our little angel.
I did a lot of research on what I wanted for the birth of our child and I tried to do everything that could help her grow and get use to her new system. I knew that allowing the umbilical cord to stop pulsing gives the baby extra blood cells and in a full term child this is no problem, but what I didn't know was that in a preterm baby this can be very harmful.

A preterm baby is too small to have this flood of blood cells into their body. This causes them to have to breakdown the unused blood cells and with their little fragile livers this can be quite taxing of their bodies. Most babies can't do this and it causes their systems to build up bilirubin and causing jaundice in the baby. In most cases this is fine and the baby will get stronger and flush out their own systems but in my case I drained the blood into my infant from her cord and she couldn't flush it out herself.

We were sent to the hospital after her 5th day of life....

My worst nightmare, my baby was put in a plastic bed and was for the first time since birth, taken out of human arms. She was placed under UV lights and had to stay there for 24 hours to help her body rid the bilirubin.  I cried and cried to see my little child under these lights and out of arms.....horrible feeling, probably worse for me then her since she is a fighter.
JJ and I sat by her bed with our arms under the lights stroking her and touching her delicate skin. I breastfed her under the lights and for 24 hours this was our reality.
I ended up taking longer to heal myself because I was so stressed about my child that my uterus started to move back up  into my stomach and I began to bleed heavily again.

We got the free and clear and headed home. I have much to be thankful for! Amazing Grace is a fighter and she has proven to us that she is the one who is running this show now.

What I have learned is that for one, to let go of ANY expectations cause at any moment you expect something you will probably be let down. Go with the flow of life and Love every minute. Two, there must be balance in all things. As much as I avoid hospitals and doctors, they have such a place when holistic medicine isn't able to help. If we didn't have those lights, my Mazi Grace may have stayed really sick and had lingering issues. I will strive to seek the balance in more things and place my appreciation for this lesson.  Three, forgiveness. To forgive myself for anything that I could have done to create this situation. I held some guilt and it just about threw me over the edge. She is my baby and I am here to protect her but sometimes I may also do things that could harm her unknowingly and for this I must forgive myself.

All is well though and the journey has been wonderful. Now we sunbath together daily and eat lots and poop lots to keep her body healthy. She has returned to my arms and I have yet to put her down. I LOVE this baby so much and both JJ and I have so much to be grateful for.

The Birth of Amazing Grace Peek

This story starts out with a plan. A birth plan.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started preparing my birth plan and what I really wanted to happen when my baby came into this world. I visualized it all perfectly, it was full of detail that both JJ and I practiced together. We worked on positions that might be helpful, we had the idea of lighted candlelight and burning essential oils filling the room, we planned for a water birth and had a tub pick out and even had a cabin in th woods picked out  with the perfect deck to fill the tub on so Amazing Grace could be born outside.  We had planned on my sister coming to Tennessee to film the birth, take pictures, and witness a natural birth for herself. We had a midwife we had been seeing and discussing all these things with who was ready to help us facilitate our desires and plans, we were even planning on coming to the farm a few days to a week early just to hang and be there waiting for labor too start.....

Needless to say, nothing went as planned....

I was put on bed rest for two weeks when at my prenatal appointment I was dilated (opening of cervix) to a 2 and 75% effaced (thinning of cervix).  I sat in bed doing nothing but reading and eating to try and build up more fat for the baby, this lasted 4 days. 

I woke up August 31st, three weeks earlier than expected (have no expectations, I say), at 5am with a pop and then a gush of warm liquid flowing between my legs all over the bed,  I shook JJ awake saying "hunny, something just happened," it was the night of the blue moon and he just knew it was going to be tonight. He got up and without any surprise he said, "your water broke huh? I just knew it would".  We both got up quickly knowing we had an hour and half drive ahead of us. JJ was frantically grabbing stuff to pack up, luckily I had everything prepared except for what I would need personally for the birth.  JJ loaded the car and I roamed around confused on what to do. I threw some random clothes into a bag and we started on our way about 45 min later. I didn't have any laboring rushes (better less painful word for contractions) til about 35 minutes into the drive.
My midwife was out of town til the 9th of September, which was no problem since my due datewas the 17-20th, but she set me up with another midwife just in case, this was just that case!

JJ timed my rushes and immediately they were 2 minutes apart. We called the midwife Stacie and let her know to prepare the guest house cause things were happening QUICK! We had to go to a guest house instead of the cabin we picked out because there was couple staying there already.  As the drive slowly lingered my rushes became more intense and I found myself clenching the door and middle console as I lifted my hips and swirled them in a circle during each rush to disperse the built up energy that was moving in my pelvis. During my 2 minute break I fully surrendered into the seat gathering all the possible energy I could stir up. I was soooo ready to get out of the car and move my body.

When we got to the guest cabin Stacie and her two assistants were there setting up the medical supplies and preparing what was needed. JJ helped me move into to the bathroom and I released all I could to get more room in my pelvic floor.  As I hung from JJ's neck during the rushes I felt so heavy and I wanted to be in the water, I asked if we could prepare the tub, Stacie checked me to see if there was any time and I was dilated to a 9, there was no time.
About 20 min later I felt the urge to crawl in the bed and get on my side, I watched an Amazonian woman give birth this way and it seemed to be the only other picture that was in my mind if I couldn't be in the water.

JJ was remarkable and literally supporting my every rush with all his strength.
The midwife left JJ and I alone the entire time I was laboring. She mentioned we were a good team and we knew what we where doing so she was going to just let us do our thing. I felt like it was only JJ and I and it was nice, I kissed him during several rushes and gazed into his eyes and that seemed to help me through some of the more intense ones during the stage right before transition.

I hit transition quite quickly and was instantly feeling the desire to push.  I didn't want to rush the pushing so I could slowly stretch and not tear so I took my time. My breath was now low and animalistic sounding. My inner animal was definitely taking over now. I visualized my body opening and I talked to the spirit of Amazing Grace to connect and encourage her through this difficult part. The midwife came to help and within 20 minutes of pushing the baby was crowning. It became incredibly intense now and I could feel by pelvis separating in all directions, I knew there was only moving forward from here. I began pushing into the rushes and this helped make them feel very relieving. If I pushed with them. The energy inside me was so strong and I felt it coming from the top of my head and moving all the way down into my pelvic area where it would rest if I didn't work to push it out. I was totally exhausted inbetween rushes and found myself flopping my head down just to catch my breath. JJ would offer me water and rub my body.

With encouragement from both Stacie and JJ, I was able to gather the energy and with three more pushes I pushed Amazing Grace into this world.
She was instantly placed onto my chest and I looked at her trying to believe this was real. JJ was full of tears and he wrapped his arms around us both. We stared at this baby for hours and hours. About one hour after birth she started to suck gently on my breast, I cried as I felt this euphoric sensation of Love and connection flow through my body.

She weighed in at 5lbs 10oz, and 18 inches long. She is our little perfect angel and we are both sooo in-Love already! We didn't get to record the birth and we have little photos too but what we do have are the memories we have stored in our minds, hopefully they'll last a lifetime.

Thanks Amazing Grace Peek for choosing JJ and I to be your parents, we are the luckiest people in the world....in my eyes, at least!!

A Place Called Home!

I recently went back home to Utah, the place I was born and raised. It was such a joy to be in the presence of family again. I have often tried to travel and get away from home, simply because I loved new experiences and didn't want to lets say, "miss out", on what the world had to offer.
Being across the country and growing a new life has really brought my spirits back to whats most important....Family. Even my friends back home feel like "family" to me. I was instantly embraced by Love the moment I stepped out of the airport, with my sister and mother there to greet me and rub my very developed belly and that embrace lasted the entire two weeks.  It felt so good just to be in the car with them and know that for two weeks I would get to spend my days with my loving family.

I am so excited to have my own family with JJ Peek and creating our own peaceful home. Being with mine again just inspires me to insure that my own family is very close and under our roof they feel safe and secure.  Attachment parenting is what we will be practicing. Having a close family is what gives meaning to life for me.  I care about the environment so much because I want it to sustain the closeness of people in a healthy way. It all makes sense that my efforts are because of the pleasure I get from my Loved ones being a part of my life, in every detail. No matter how different we are from one another, it seems like, that is what brings us closer because we fill the gaps for each other. Oh how I LOVE my family.

My vacation back home was filled with a remarkable yoga retreat in Boulder, Utah. With the lovely yoga family I have at 3B Yoga.  Female empowering energy filled both me and baby Amazing.

I was pampered at a baby shower held at my Mother's house. The home was filled with loved ones. Friends from the past who are always in my heart showed up, friends from the present touched and kissed and loved on me and the growing child, my parents friends came to support and so much wonderful family filled each and every space available. Even my wonderful partner JJ was there for every moment spreading his charm to all the ladies. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me!!!!

My parents took the utmost care of me. Cooking, talking, taking JJ and I boating and to dinner. It was so nice to spend soooo much quality time with them before my life takes this beautiful change.

My wonderful sister rubbed my back when I got sore and gave me so much time in deep conversation and even painted me the most wonderful picture of a pregnant tree that will hang on the wall of Amazing Grace's space in our home.

My good friend Jami Bishop got married to another good friend Corey Gephart in the beautiful mountains of Sundance, Ut.  The place where I called home for a time and worked many years building yet, another family that I will forever cherish. Seeing all my friends together in the mountain air was such a joy and I have an overwhelming feel of falling in Love again with JJ Peek.  We kissed and danced and ate and loved on each other in the feeling of connection that filled the grounds.

I got a surprise the night before I was to come back to Tennessee, when my brothers, who were to be in Arkansas for three more weeks, surprised my parents, sister and I at dinner by coming home early. I was so happy that tears filled my eyes and once again my entire immediate family was together again.  This will never be the same as there are many new additions coming to all our individual lives in the next year or two. I will be married to the Love of my life. We will have a family of our own in one month. My sister will be giving life to her own little angel about 3 months later and my beautiful brothers will probably find their life companions not too long after.
So much exciting change and so much to be grateful for...
I am so glad I got to spend so much time at home with all of the wonderful people who are in my life.

Thank you everyone for the love and the connection that you offer me. I am truly sooooooo blessed in this life and I appreciate you all.

One more month and my whole world will change. I am so excited to be sharing this world with you Mr. JJ Peek. Thanks for choosing me!!!

SERVICE...a new look at it!

My mother is the QUEEN of service, she always says "A life of service is the only way to happiness" She is constantly helping me, my other siblings, her community and her own sisters in our time of need.  The last few nights I have got sucked into documentaries...again...about the earth, our planet, and our direct connection with each other. --Watch: "Home-the movie" and "Bag it" on netflix.
Like my mother has taught me, this starts on the level of family and community but what about the whole planet??? It starts every breathing moment in every decision we make.
We must have the planet to survive as a species yet, our Homo Sapien species, meaning "The Wise Human", has completely interrupted the balance of the Earth dramatically since the 1950's. We all, me included I am a human and part of this problem to, have gotten used to a lifestyle of convenience and abundance, now that we no longer forge for food we waste precious goods and take for granted what it takes for us to live each day. Always wanting more and having the mindset of "keeping up with the jones's" whomever they may, be we just must have what they have.
We all create our reality and... we can have what they have but...
at what expense??? This is where I really got worked up.
Bringing a child to a planet where our species has upset the very thing that feeds and nourishes us, our Mother Earth, will make it incredibly hard to show an example of sacrifice and responsibility to my child.
Why?
Why aren't more and more people trying to save the Earth? Can't they see the destruction of our planet is the destruction of US, the human species! Our planet is crying out for us to awaken;
 HOT HOT summers bringing more and more drought and wildfires raising our CO2 levels in our atmosphere, which could eventually suffocate us. Frigid cold winters with little precipitation adding nothing to our water tables. Melting glaciers raising the water level and temperatures that will kill our coral reefs and our seafood...how many people like fish and shrimp?
Tornados and earthquakes destroying entire cities and wreaking havoc on the people whom have established themselves in those areas. Hurricanes growing stronger, extreme erosion of the topsoil and humus layer on our earths crust. The food we grow is loosing so many nutrients and we now have to mine minerals from the Earth to create supplements because our food we grow is depleted because our soil is dying.
The Earth has an energy of her own and she is trying to speak to us ALL, we just need to listen and react appropriately.
Our government won't help, they make no money on cleaning up our planet. They only work for money.
What we have done to help the problem?
We all support such practices as;
-Deforestation, killing the only thing that helps clean our planets atmosphere and helps create healthy soil so we can grow food and not starve, the trees are our roots for survival. Deforestation is practiced for soybeans-to feed cattle, who don't eat beans, and to raise cattle, which are usually diseased and full of hormones and antibiotics that destroy our immune systems and create high cholesterol and heart disease the number one killers in the USA. Oh, but we don't need the beautiful forest we can survive on the cattle...until they run out of food because our soil is so depleted and our water so scarce we can't grow anything anymore...
-Oil drilling, our dependence on oil is gruesomely strong. As we live our lives in convenience we give the government more and more opportunity to make their fight for oil more legit. More money and waste goes to making weapons, and military machinery then it does to heal our country from disease and economical struggle. We use oil for EVERYTHING! Yet, it isn't renewable and will very very soon be gone!!!

-Waste and over consumerism. We waste so much food, nonrenewable resources and we buy without any concern for where it came from or how others suffered for the creation of our goods.
-Poisoning our food with pesticides and GMO's, hormones, synthetic nutrients.
this poison is what is now in our bodies and creating deadly illnesses. Plus, our household goods from plastics... made with oil and petrochemicals that eventually destroy our human bodies.

I am bringing a child to this...my child is choosing to come here...why??? Because I believe we can do better and I believe these new spirits see us doing better...
 
With my voice, your voice, we can make a difference NOW, we must act NOW!!! We are thirsting for energy but we need cleaner energy. We need a healthier planet.

Avoid plastics as much as possible, no more bottled water,
Avoid driving as much as possible,
Avoid petrochemicals and processed food with preservatives, buy organic, buy bulk, support local farms,
Avoid purchasing anything new, make your own or purchase used antique goods,
Start loving the Earth and thanking the Earth,
Start supporting renewable energy, wind power, solar power, water power, human power,
Start REDUCING, REUSING, then lastly Recycling,
Start preserving our resources,
Start seeing our connection and what goes into the goods you purchase,
Start CARING!

The way to service of the WHOLE of life is to serve the planet, the source of our physical life and existence. Without serving our Mother Earth consciously every day of our remaining lives we are killing our future for ALL the species, including our children, grandchildren, friends, communities and all the other living species that share this place with us. We are killing the Creation of our physical existence that took 4 billion earth years to create for our human evolution to occur and in only 200 thousand years we have taken over and poisoned it all.  That is why our human health has suffered so much.
Take a stand now, do your part now, sacrifice and help serve us all NOW!

~t

"The Farm" midwifery workshop

This month I was asked to help with the midwifery workshop that they hold at "The Farm" in Summertown, TN.  I am having my baby in a cabin in the woods there and my midwife lives on the 3000 acres of land in this small community.

Ina May Gaskin

I was excited to be the pregnant model for a number of young women training to be the next midwives of our world. Birth is truly taking a beautiful path back to the way God intended it to be, spiritual, non invasive, incredibly connecting and natural.  So many women are working to change the way we bring these fresh and pure spirits into the world.

They came from all around; California, Florida, NYC, even as far as London.  All these girls came here to Tennessee to train under Mrs. Ina May Gaskin.  It was so wonderful to walk in the clinic and see all these female faces on the floor checking each other's pulses and blood pressure.  I don't have a community here and I haven't found my own group of women to connect with since I moved here so I really embraced the feminine energy and empowerment I felt being in this room...boy, do I miss my yoga girls, and ruff house girls, and the females in my family back home...Ina May walked up to me and we had an instant connection.  She asked about my pregnancy and we talked about some of her experiences, she is very engaging and touchy, just how I like it.

Pinard Horn

Fetal Stethoscope

I had many women touching my belly and feeling for the baby, listening to the heartbeat with a fetal stethoscope or pinard horn only.
The beauty of this is that there is no intervention, nothing creates any stress to the growing baby.  Dobblers and Ultrasounds send penetrating sound waves through the uterus to outline the baby and to listen to her heartbeat, often the baby will try to move out of the way of the waves because it is stressing for her, ultrasounds have also been linked to causing brain damage and even cancer in infants, natural pregnancy mentor, The fetal stethoscope is long enough that I was able to hear the heartbeat and it sounded perfect and clear. Just to hear this first sound of life has made me so protective, I don't want anything harming or stressing her in any way. I am willing to take on all I need to to keep her as safe as possible.  With touch alone we were able to feel the babies positioning from head to toe, and if she happened to be breech, with touch and communication the midwives at The Farm have been able to turn babies in the womb before birth.  I am so thankful that I am so close to this place with these brilliant ladies who work with the flow of nature while I bring my baby to this world.

I Loved the connection and respect that all the training midwives gave me at the workshop, I left with a burst of energy that I haven't felt for a long time. Women have such a great power when in groups together and I am understanding more and more the need for women empowerment in my life. Not saying that JJ doesn't fill me with incredible energy of unconditional Love, cause he does, but his energy is different than the feminine energy I receive when in large groups of women.

This education and experience I received has sparked another interest in me to seek out some training in the field of natural childbirth, whether becoming a doula or a midwife myself I am inspired and would Love to help women bring their babies into this world the natural way.

Beautiful Quote!

“It is in birth, that a woman must show her trust in herself, her trust in God, and be consciously involved in a deliberate act of creation by giving her heart, might, mind, and strength to what is before her.”

Transforming Ideas and Actions

Transformation! My body has been in a steady transformation for quite some time now and I have been staying pretty conscious of staying in the moment with each new change.  Our baby has been moving and kicking inside me for about a month now and everyday the movements get stronger and stronger. I have found myself connecting to her (I believe its a girl so I'll continue with "her") so deeply. I talk to her and visualize her role in my life and my role in her life. She truly is an "Amazing" angel. She has her own agenda already and I am so thankful that I was chosen to be her mother. I will facilitate all her needs and support her in all her work in this life of hers.
I have felt an even higher transformation in my spirit in the last two weeks. One that has drawn me so much closer to Mother Earth, the divine feminine energy, and God, the divine masculine energy and felt their connection in every cell in my body. This radiating energy that has taken over and created a new body inside my body. I am astonished at what we are capable of.

With all this magic going on in me and around me I have an even greater desire to do my part in the evolution of the human race. To vibrate at a much higher frequency of Love. A Love for all things that exist with me here on planet earth. Our world is changing so fast and so many are not choosing to awaken to the new human evolution of peace, Love and coming together. So many are still in it for power, unnecessary abundance and mindless waste. Unfortunately, we get to choose for ourselves our path in life and so we can not make or change anyone around us but what we can do is "be that change" ourselves.
I am not sure what tomorrow will bring or the day after that. I see both the greatness of humanity and the weakness of humanity, sometimes all at the same time.  I am riding this life one moment at a time and following my intuition which is taking me to new powerful places everyday. Everything I thought I once knew has changed, I find I really know very little but I have so much faith in the Divine power of God's forces that are in me, I am open daily to the new directions it is taking me, I just need to stay present and listen.
The power comes from inside me, but shows me that when I tune to the vibration of my heart I am stronger and when I send Love outside myself to my fellow human companions and accept them for whatever their choice is we as a whole become connected and our strength rises.

Because of this I have been filled with many new inspirations for what my child, the new generation of this human evolution we are all transforming to (if we choose of course), would like to be brought up with and it is FULL of nothing more than support, acceptance, and unconditional Love! We are no longer teachers, we are facilitators of human life. These new souls will be teaching me more than I could ever teach them, they are full of Divine light and they don't want to lose it and get stuck in the mess of ego, competition, greed and selfishness that have changed so many people on our planet from seeing the truth of what we are.
I choose to be an example of Love and I believe that all I or anyone can do now is be an example.

I am filled with gratitude and I am thankful that I was strong enough to be a parent in this companionship I share with JJ and help support our "Amazing Grace" in this journey called -LIFE-

~t